Not my opinion

I made chili for dinner, but committed the great sin of adding kidney beans. When I asked my daughter what kind of beans she wanted she said "I don't know, just beans!" Apparently kidney beans are not beans. I'm sure they'll be disappointed to discover that.

I ate my bowl of chili and said "MMMMM, you're really missing something. This chili is good!"

She responds "That is a part of an opinion."

Me "A PART of an opinion?"

Her "Yeah, your part, not my part."

Couch Bugs

When I was visiting my brother my daughter wanted to sleep on his sofa. My young nephews adored her and wouldn't leave her alone so she could sleep. She picked up her youngest cousin and carried him over to me.

"Apparently couch bugs are bigger than bed bugs."

I asked him "Do couch bugs bite?"

He responded "No, but they fart a lot."

Oh, wrong bug, what you have here is a stink bug.

Men in skirts?

My son to his sister "Why are you wearing a dress?"

"Because I couldn't find any pants."

"Wow, men don't have that option."

Cousin responds "Why are you in your underwear? Because I couldn't find any pants. No, I don't think that would go over very well."

New moon

When my daughters were five and three I overheard this lesson in the backseat as I drove home one evening.

See the moon out there? It is a big circle right now, but every day it will get smaller and smaller until it is gone completely. That is when God is fixing it.

I am a nun

My kids' school was finished on June 10th and we left on vacation on June 12th. We returned on June 20th and she is ALREADY bored! Not being able to think of anything to do my daughter decided to take a bath. After she had finished with her bath, she draped her towel over her head and said "I am a nun. Which means I have none things to do."

responsibility

My 12 year old daughter is working really hard to be more responsible. Tonight she was brushing her teeth, flossing and using a fluoride rinse, something that I usually have to badger her about. After she was done she said "Darn, I hate being responsible. I forgot to eat dessert!"

Arguing

I'm fascinated by the compulsive need that kids have to argue. I could make a simple statement like "the sky is blue" and they'd feel the need to argue against that until I begin to doubt their sanity. (you thought I was going to say that I doubted my own sanity, didn't you?) Last night was no exception, and in exasperation I asked "Do I have 'argue with me' tattooed on my forehead?" My son quips "No, I think it is on your back."

Asperger's

My son has Asperger's and he is very very quiet at school. He has two friends, neither of who attend his school. For the most part he goes through his tiny high school with his hood up on his hoodie and (if not in class) his face buried in a book. He is nearly unnoticeable at school and if he attended a large high school he would probably be invisible. We were joking about his invisibility when he said "I don't want to be invisible in college, I'll need to be noticed." I said "Well then you'll have to talk to people." He responded "Gosh darn it, there's always a catch."

Getting her Goat

My older daughter was teasing my younger daughter. Younger daughter complained to me and I told her to "Ignore her, she is just trying to get your goat." After commenting that she didn't have a goat she went to her room. Shortly thereafter I heard her yell "leave me alone, you big old goat stealing jerk!"

Goat stealing jerk, I'll have to use that someday.

mind reader

One time when my son was 12 he walked into the room and started talking to me, but he sounded like he was in the middle of a conversation. I interrupted him and asked "Wait, what are you talking about?" He paused and looked puzzled, then responded "Oh, I forgot that you can't always read my mind."

For future discipline's sake I decided to let him continue to believe that I can sometimes read his mind.

My son has Asperger's Syndrome, a form of high functioning autism. Later after this incident I found out that often people with autism do believe that everyone can read their minds. The workings of an autistic mind is so interesting. Now that my son is 16 he is starting to give me insights into his mind. He has long had problems with music which bothered me to no end...how can someone not like music? Slowly video game music became okay...then songs based on video games or from movies. Recently we were listening to "Coward" by Vic Chesnutt. He listened intently then after it was over he said "Whoa...that song made pictures in my head." I told him that was what most songs were supposed to do. He then told me that the reason he has problems with music is because he hears all the parts separately, each instrument and voice is separate. He doesn't usually hear them all together in a cohesive manner. Thus music was too difficult to listen to.

I can't believe she said that

This morning my youngest was in rare form. She is 10 and in fourth grade. The school she attends has a four day school week, fewer, but longer days. By Thursday she has had three very long days and she is more than ready to call it quits.

I went into her room to wake her and she wasn't moving. I asked "Are you waking up?" She answered (without opening her eyes) "Actually, I'm thinking that's a bad idea." I have to admit...I agreed with her.

She was running really slow and nearly missed the bus. As I was rushing her out the door she said "I know what the problem is; it is Thursday and my brain is already shutting down."

We made it to the bus stop just in time to see it drive up. She observed "Oh look, it's the bus. Doom in the color of yellow."

Where did she get those?